Nothing But Ordinary

I don't think very highly of myself. I mean, I don't think I'm a worthless person, but I do think that I'm pretty mediocre. My view is that I may have good ideas and exceed at somethings, but there are lots of others that could probably do the same things better. As I see it, I'm far from a genius.

There are many people who have told me the opposite: that I'm extraordinary in some way. From bosses to professors, I've had people tell me that I'm incredible smart and talent. I've had people rave about my writing proficiency, my ability to learn new things quickly (or at least quicker than expected), and my argumentation skills.

I rarely (read: never) take any of this to heart.

"They're just being nice."
"Sure, I'm the best compared to this group, but that doesn't mean I have any real talent."
"They just don't know what real talent is."

Sometimes I feel like people have mistaken me for someone else. I'm an impostor just waiting for everyone else to realize the truth I already know: I'm completely ordinary. I'm just like everyone else (well everyone else minus the few actual geniuses).

There have only been a few times that I've thought anything contrary to this. Today is one of them.

I had an interview today with a company that I worked for previously. When I worked for this company, I was a hard worker and knew the ins and outs of the company pretty well. I was always willing to pitch in, even when there was little benefit for me. I don't want to be in this type (retail) of business anymore (I'm majoring in philosophy and would like to go into education), but I need a job and this is one that I know wouldn't be terrible.

I'm not sure how my interview went (really I've only ever had one interview that I felt went well...even when I end up getting the job), but right now, I feel like maybe I shouldn't waste my time on this job. Like they don't deserve me.

And I feel bad. For thinking to highly of myself. For assuming I'm above this job.

For thinking for once that I'm more than mediocre.

Hello...I guess?

I've started a new blog! ...and I don't know why.

This is my third (?...I'm not sure if the other two count as one because I moved it to another site) blog. The others didn't last long. I'm not entirely sure why, but I think it has to do with commitment to not write "journal" posts. I'm not sure why anyone would want to read about my life, so in the past, I've made a point to write objectively about issues and ideas and less about my personal life.

The problem with this is that eventually I get to a point where I have a really difficult time writing because I can't think of something to write about outside of myself. Sometimes life gets to a point where you just need to vent (within reason, since it is the internet) and work out things that consume my mind on paper (or screen in this case).

So, what am I going to blog about here. Well, I'm planning to be less formal than with past blogs. That means that I probably will do life event blogs, but I will still write about issues and ideas that I care about.

If you happened across this blog, I hope you like it. :)