I don't think very highly of myself. I mean, I don't think I'm a worthless person, but I do think that I'm pretty mediocre. My view is that I may have good ideas and exceed at somethings, but there are lots of others that could probably do the same things better. As I see it, I'm far from a genius.
There are many people who have told me the opposite: that I'm extraordinary in some way. From bosses to professors, I've had people tell me that I'm incredible smart and talent. I've had people rave about my writing proficiency, my ability to learn new things quickly (or at least quicker than expected), and my argumentation skills.
I rarely (read: never) take any of this to heart.
"They're just being nice."
"Sure, I'm the best compared to this group, but that doesn't mean I have any real talent."
"They just don't know what real talent is."
Sometimes I feel like people have mistaken me for someone else. I'm an impostor just waiting for everyone else to realize the truth I already know: I'm completely ordinary. I'm just like everyone else (well everyone else minus the few actual geniuses).
There have only been a few times that I've thought anything contrary to this. Today is one of them.
I had an interview today with a company that I worked for previously. When I worked for this company, I was a hard worker and knew the ins and outs of the company pretty well. I was always willing to pitch in, even when there was little benefit for me. I don't want to be in this type (retail) of business anymore (I'm majoring in philosophy and would like to go into education), but I need a job and this is one that I know wouldn't be terrible.
I'm not sure how my interview went (really I've only ever had one interview that I felt went well...even when I end up getting the job), but right now, I feel like maybe I shouldn't waste my time on this job. Like they don't deserve me.
And I feel bad. For thinking to highly of myself. For assuming I'm above this job.
For thinking for once that I'm more than mediocre.
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